This last week was so hectic and busy that i barely had anytime to really sit down and think. We had the launch of the youth group on friday night which was absolutely phenomenal. However the start of the night was completely unexpected with our guest minister loosing his guitar at the airport and to them being late to the service among many other things. However despite what went on God showed up in an amazing way. We worshiped and just got into the word.

The past few months have been incredibly challenging financially and emotionally more than i ever thought i could handle and it is only by the grace of God that i have even made it this far. I get a little terrified every time i walk towards the mail box. It just see bills after bills and most are overdue ridiculously.  Again a situation which would have previously made me just have an absolute melt down. However i believe that God has been doing an awesome work in my heart. Just giving me the strength to not only open all of these bills but also have enough self control to no stress and absolutely freak out over them all. I always wondered how my husband was able to handle this pressure so well without freaking out and just completely falling into a heap. I actually asked him once cause it felt like he just didn't care. However i misunderstood his faith in God with him no caring. He does care but he cares so much that he wants to leave this situation with the most high. The solutions to these difficult obstacles do not lie with us.

Someone mentioned something quiet interesting to me over the weekend, they said sometimes God allows certain situations and trails to come our way to see how react and to test our attitude so that we can learn and grow. This made think.... well what in the world does God want me to learn through this absolutely horrible time????

Well i think it actually could be something as simple as trusting him. I mean we live in such an independent world we want to do everything ourselves and find solutions quickly and fix things. Trusting God in every area of my life has proved to be a bigger task that i originally thought. But these bills that keep pilling up are beyond our means.... i'm on this desperate constant search for a job yet i cannot make anyone hire me. That is completely up to them... but i can choose too trust that God will provide an awesome position which will still allow me time to do ministry.

I guess God wants to see me draw closer to Him in this time of trouble instead of going back into my shell and trying to retreat.

I cannot believe already the progress that i have made just by changing my thoughts and being more aware of my thought life.....

God is awesome and i know that HE WILL help us get out of this horrible financial situation